Monday, December 7, 2009

No animals have been harmed....

The weekend before last saw Sara and I travelling like Thelma and Louise in a Corsa up to Shrewsbury for Violet's birthday party. In the weeks preceding the party, Sara and I mused on what we should buy for the birthday girl.

It's a well-known fact among Violet's friends that she fancies herself as a taxidermist manque. So a taxidermic present seeming apt, I went on to the website of a taxidermy supplies company with a view to buying an instructional DVD.

I thought the beginner's guide to stuffing birds might be a good one. People put stuffing into chickens so how hard can it be? The DVD came with a couple of important caveats. The first was that you need another video for owls and ducks as they require specific techniques (this DVD was more for your average pheasant). The other was that you should view the DVD at least once before starting your own specimen.

At least once. So no flicking through the DVD for the best bits and then starting erroneously on your own owl, which at the end would look oddly pheasanty. Visions of Violet mangling a duck because she fast-forwarded to the good bits flashed before my eyes.

I gave up. The DVD was not a good idea. We bought her a book by Nick Cave instead in which a man sucks a lady's knickers. Far less potential for damage there - except maybe to Violet's smalls.

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